Halloween Surprises

This Halloween was sure an interesting one. My sister-in-law went into early labor. 10 1/2 weeks early. Talk about scary!

It all started with my mother-in-laws birthday. We had all planned a trip to the Mall of America to see the "Bodies" exhibit. We were all very excited to go. I have lived in this city for 10 years and have only gone to the MOA about 2 times. It's an experience. They have a roller coaster park in the middle of the mall, Lego land and all sorts of games. It's truly INSANE! The mall was packed, little kids all dressed up and ready to trick-or-treat. We ended up going to the exhibit, which was overpriced and definitely not as good as the exhibit in San Diego. we ate lunch and tried to get out the door before all the little kids started their trek around the mall. we almost made it!

When we got back to my in-laws, my sister-in-law, April, was still uncomfortable. She was rubbing her belly and breathing thru the "cramping" as she called it. I knew in my heart of hearts, this was not good. Over the next hour, I carefully wrote down the times of when they started and stopped. Things were not looking good. Some of the contractions were lasting approx. 1 min and about 5 min apart. At this point, mom and I just looked at each other and knew we had to get her to the hospital. Boy- did she fight us tooth and nail. She did not want to go to the hospital. "It's nothing." she would say.

Once we got there, the nurse hooked her up to all the machines and made an assessment that maybe April had a bladder infection because she was going to the bathroom like every 10 minutes. To our surprise, that was not the case. She was dilated to 4-5 and the contractions were not going away. This was terrible. We all looked at each other like WTF? now what? The nurse immediately transferred April upstairs where they were able to assess the situation better. Apparently, her regular OBGYN was on call this night and basically told April she had a few options. Ultimately, they were going to try to stop the contractions, but in the meantime, they had to giver her a shot that would help jump start the maturing of the baby's lungs. The doctor told April that she is in active labor and that she had 2 choices. The hospital that we were at was not capable of handling April's baby. She was only 29 1/2 weeks pregnant. Either she had to be transferred while she was still pregnant or if she delivered the baby, he would have to be transferred, which could lead to possible unnecessary bacteria for him. In the end, April opted to be transferred.

When we got to the U of M Children's hospital they decided to stop the magnesium was not stopping the contractions, so they gave her another option, a pill. WOW! It worked- her contractions stopped, for the most part. The bad news, 6 cm dilated at this point. The good news, she was still pregnant!

They needed her to stay pregnant long enough to give her the second shot of steroid for his lungs. believe it or not, Harlen Francis was born 4 hours after he 48 hours they wanted to keep him in there. She was 30 weeks pregnant. He is perfect, breathing on his own. I can't believe it.

I have been thru many things but have never witnessed strength so powerful as when I looked into my sister-in-laws eyes as the doctors were giving all this unexpected news to her. She is so unbelievably strong. She was so beautiful at that moment. I admire her and what she has been thru.

I'm not sure I would have handled it as well.

Growing Grey's

Being a mom is tough. I don't know about other people but I am constantly questioning myself. Am I making the right decision? Does my hubby agree with me? Does it matter if he does or have I just made up my mind? Am I overreacting? These questions constantly wind in and out of me.
Today was tough. It is very tough.
This morning hubby and I decided to pull Nova out of her daycare. There were many reasons , the main one being, I don't think she listened to me. Such as- me " don't feed her food I haven't tried yet. Daycare: She ate Hawaiian Delight today." Me" WTF is Hawaiian Delight? Another day: Me- Please don't feed her junk food, I would like her to have fruit or veggie for a snack. Daycare- she ate a Gerber Graduate Fruit Bar. Me- Isn't the main ingredient sugar?
Why am I not being heard.
This week was the last straw. I got there yesterday and Daycare almost tossed Nova to me claiming she has been screaming all day and I can have her. I was shocked- Nova is normally very calm and is happy as all get out to play by herself. I took her home and fed her- she was fine, she even went to bed at her normal 7pm bedtime, no fussing. Probably cuz she was so tired from all that screaming! Long story short I gave Daycare our 2 week notice today and she did not take it very well. She got angry in fact. I did not think it was a good idea to leave Nova with her, so I opted to take her with me.
Man- was that hard.
When I was younger, confrontation did not bother me- now I hate it! I just wish it would all go away. I don't have the will to argue about every little thing anymore. Is this a sign I am getting older? more mature? oh man... I think I found another grey hair.

Hidden Treasure

It has almost been a month since I have posted anything, not because I haven't wanted to- I have. The time had gone so fast, I can barely keep track of it. Nova has made leaps in bounds in the milestone category.

Last night for instance, she was working really hard at cutting the bottom left-hand tooth. She could barely wait until her 7pm bedtime, so she didn't. We had a bath at 5:30 and then she wined until I finally gave in and gave her 6 oz bottle at 6:15. She was asleep in no time. She did not even finish her bottle, she left 2 oz in the bottom, but she was out cold. I sat and rocked her and cuddled with her for about 10 more minutes and them tried to lay her in her crib. This is getting harder to do, because I am short and her mattress is getting lower and lower. I almost have to drop her the last 1/2 inch and hope she doesn't wake up. I have no idea what I am going to do when that crib reaches the last of its rungs. I will need a step stool!
Because she went to bed so early, I was able to finish picking up the house, get dinner ready for Monday night and watch a little TV. It was wonderful!

I should have known... Nova woke up at 12:15am screaming. She was hungry. I was spinning circles, bouncing off the walls. I tried to get the sleep out of my eyes. I fed her 5oz and back to bed she went. 1:15am- screaming. I gave a few of these homeopathic teething tablets. It is my belief these things were sent straight from heaven! They easily dissolve in her mouth and they work immediately, with no side effects because they are 100 percent natural. 2:15am- screaming- 2 more tables. 3:15am- 1 more tablet. At this point I had had it. I was stumbling from room to room, I couldn't do it anymore. I brought her to bed with me. (On Mondays, my hubby is gone, so sometimes I break the rules.) She was out like a light and slept until we had to leave at 6:45am. I am pooped today! Hopefully, tonight will be better.

Yesterday, Nova and I went shopping, just to get a few things. I picked her up a new toy, it is one of those toys that is supposed to help them walk and then later they can ride them. She was so excited when I finally got it together. I swear- I will never buy anything for her that needs to be assembled when my hubby is out of town. It took me an hour just to find the screwdriver! Once I got it together, She was on it in a heartbeat. She loved it! It was so fun to see her try to ride the little thing. But she has to learn, she can't just dive off it if she sees something across the room she wants! That was funny!

She is growing up so fast, I can't believe it. I hate that I am ready for another one and that my hubby wants to wait. I want to see my children be as close to each other as my brother and sister and I am. Hopefully, she won't fight with her brother/sister when she is little; like I did with mine. I don't think she will. Nova is so much more of a gentler soul, an old soul. I love every cuddle she gives, every time she pats my hands, looks into my eyes and smiles that great big grin. It's a hidden treasure.

Infectious Smiles

Once again- this week has flown by, but I must say with every passing day, I am closer to buying a computer!

I have to say- it is true what "they" say, attitudes are contagious. If someone is in a bad mood, it is hard to not let that attitude rub off on you. If someone is in a great mood, that usually will rub off on you too. Nova is contagious. If she is crying, I am crying. If she is happy, I am happy. If she is silly, well- you guessed it. I am silly too! She is usually happy and silly. She gets a lot of her sillyness from her daddy. He is very silly!
This brings me to last Tuesday night. It was about 6:30 at night, just after dinner. Cleon and I were sitting on the couch and Nova was in front of us, happily bouncing in her Baby Einstein jumper. Up and down she went. I decided I wanted an after dinner treat, an ice cream bar. It is amazing to me what happened when she saw this ice cream bar. I sat down in front of her and that little girl started grunting and bouncing even harder than ever. She wanted some. I gave her some. She has no teeth yet, but her little gums made a perfect bite. She wanted more and more and I gave her more and more. Before my hubby and I knew it- she was bouncing, and crying with her mouth wide open and a chunk of ice cream in her mouth. She was experiencing her first ice cream headache! I took the chunk out of her mouth and she quite crying immedietely and lunged for the piece I had just taken out. Apparently, headache and all, she was not done! Cleon and I had a great laugh, sorry babe at your expense! Needless to say, I ate the rest of my ice cream bar, in the hallway, where she could not see me.

Today marks 7 1/2 months for Nova, she is growing everyday. This week, the little girl has made leaps and bounds in milestones- I wish you all could see! For now, I will tell you about them.

Beginning Friday, I was late coming home because I had to check on my in-laws that have decided to gut their bathroom. I am supervising the project,making sure all gets done. This night, my sister-in-law April went out to dinner and then she decided to spend the night with us because she is pregnant and their 1 bathroom in the house in nonexistent, at least until Monday. She made the long journey from the cities to our small town, Elk River. When we got home it was about 9pm and Cleon and the baby were at the neighbors house. It appeared my hubby was playing dominoes and letting Nova play with the 2 neighbor girls. Mikayla is going to be 4 and Taylor is 1 1/2 years old. They are the cutest little girls!
I ventured over to grab the little girl, as it was way past her bedtime. When I got home, April and I could not believe our eyes. Nova started to crawl. For the past week, she had been up on all 4's rocking back and forth. we couldn't believe it! Those neighbor girls must have taught her a lot, because there she was, trying to get her dolly, 3 feet away!
As if that wasn't enough, Monday, I decided winter is on it's way and I'd better get her closet in order. We had received a couple boxes of clothes from someone at work and I had yet to go thru them. So I set Nova in her crib with some toys and I went to town. After a while, I decided she was getting to close to the edge and she might fall out, I raised the side of the crib. As I stood there in amazement, she grabbed the top of the rail and pulled herself right up! OMG! So simple, so wonderful!
Yesterday, as we played outside with the 2 little neighbor girls, both our husbands were gone for the night, so Nicole invited us in for dinner. She had made a wonderful scalloped potato dish. Since, I had not thought about dinner for myself and the baby had just ate, sure why not. While I was helping Nicole set the table, the 3 girls were busy in the living room. Once again, Nova stunned me. She was sitting on the carpet, but was moving towards the linoleum, floor. Once she got her feet anchored on the linoleum, up her butt went and she was doing a downward dog on the kitchen floor! She was trying to stand up!
I don't know about you- but I can't handle anything else! She amazes me everyday and I can't get away from her infectious smiles!

Home Sweet Home

Well- It has been a long time since I was written, things have been CRAZY busy! Vacations, packing, travelling, swimming, movie watching, game playing, eating and playing with Nova. Here is how it all went....
On Friday August 28th, we left the Twin Cities and headed for sunny California. I was worried about the flight and how the little girl would fair, but she did quite well. She played for most of the flight but did fall asleep for 45 minutes of the 3 1/2 hour flight. Not bad. No one on the flight even knew she was there.
When we landed my brother-in-law was there to pick us up. He whipped us up through all the hills to their cute 3 bedroom apt in Mira Mesa. It is a cute place, we nestled right in as Dave gave us the grand tour. As he went, I noticed that my sister and him tried really hard to clean the apt. I tried not to judge. I love them both.
Let it be known that I am a clean freak and have had to restain myself from multiple panic attacks if I go to someones house and it is messy. Let me clarify- Messy I can stand. Filthy- I can not. There is a difference.
Anyway, they have an adorable apt. Dave mostly sat with Nova talking with about the flight and whatever information he could get out my 7 month old. We chatted until my sister got home after work. She looked so cute in her black work outfit. It was wonderful to see her. I stayed up until 1am my time and had to crash. I didn't want to but I had to- I couldn't see straight anymore.
On Saturday, Nova was up at 6:30 and ready to play. I got up and tried to not wake anyone else up, other than my sister and Dave. Nova is so much fun in the morning. She loves to cuddle and play around in bed. I left Nova in the room with Dave and Darcy and decided to help my sister with her laundry and dishes. This pretty much took up the whole day and before we knew it, it was time to head to the beach house. We checked in and waited for everyone else to arrive. My stepbrother Tony, Myrtle, his girlfriend, and Angela, Myrtle's daughter were already there waiting for us. Cleon and I picked our bed and dropped off our luggage and headed out to get something to eat. It felt good to be back in Carlsbad. It is a familiar place to me, the beach, the people, it all felt great.
On Monday we decided to spend our "McGaugler family day" at Balboa Park. Balboa Park is full of museums for every kind of soul. The art soul, the science soul, automobile soul and the list goes on, even a nudist soul. I was only able to see a couple things, which is fine by me. Nova requires a lot of my time and I don't mind missing out on things, I feel like she is filling me with other things. It's OK. I got to see the Body Works exhibit. It was amazing. I found myself walking around these plasticized bodies and wondering more about the person than what the exhibit was showing me. The had a pregnant woman that had died when she was 5 months along. The exhibit showed everything, the fetus, nestled in her belly. He lungs black with smoke. I wondered why she would choose to smoke, what happened to her when she died? What kind of person was she? Is is strange to wonder about these things? I think people are amazing in life and their bodies tell so much in death.
Apparently, this exhibit is quite the controversy. Scientists feel this was necessary to understand the body and people in general think it is cruel to treat the dead this way. My thoughts, good thing we all have choices while we are living, whether or not to visit this exhibit and plasticize our own bodies. I thought the exhibit was just plain cool.

The rest of the week was just wonderful. We tried to get Nova to love the ocean as much as we do, but she wasn't so sure of it. As the days wore on, we were able to get her closer and get her feet in. She whined, but was ok. She wasn't that much of a fan for the sand. We might have a drama queen on our hands- like her daddy! She took long naps in her pack and play on the beach, lathered in sunscreen, just incase any sun got to her pale little body.

I went swimming in the ocean and tried to avoid every piece of kelp that floated my way. I love the sandy bottom of the ocean, but this year there were tons of pot holes in the bottom. Not good! My brother and I had a really hard time, we bobbed and tried to weave between them.

Before we new it, the week was over and it was time to fly back. Nova did not do so well on the flight home. It was bedtime when we took off and she would have gone right to sleep if we were at home. She is used to being left alone, I do not coddle her too much at night, so when I was holding her the whole time on the plane, she did not like this. She could not get comfortable no matter what I did. She finally fell asleep 1/2 hour before we landed- ugh! It was midnight by then.

This week back at work has flown by and I feel like I have not even gotten a vacation. Where does the time go?California is always a wonderful trip that I look forward to every year. Now, my husband looks forward to it and soon Nova will too! For now, we are Home Sweet Home.

Swimming with Dolphins

This weekend was a blast!

After a Saturday morning spent at a clients' house, Nova spent the morning with Nana Kay. I imagine Nova got more attention then she new what to do with. Oh, who am I kidding, she loved every minute of it. I imagine mom fused over her every move and couldn't help herself as she tried to take a cuter picture than the last, even if they were only seconds apart. It is so wonderful to look upon my mother as she adores her little first grandchild.

I don't know what I thought being a mom was going to be like. Maybe I thought my life would end, that I would not be able to accomplish my long laundry list of "to do's." When I was pregnant, I was scared, but who wouldn't be? This was uncharted territory for me. Sure people have been doing this for centuries, but it was new to me! I haven't been around a lot of kids, my experience is limited. Now, I was gonna have one. What did I get myself into? What a statement. It was just fear talking, the inevitable unknown. When I was pregnant, people told me all sorts of stories, whether I wanted to hear them or not. After a while, I would smile and nod, soon I would have my own stories.

Now, she is 7 months old. How did that happen? I must have blinked. Over these past couple months, I have slowly discovered that it doesn't matter if the sheets get washed, or my house doesn't look perfect. I think my husband and I have comfortably moved into the roles of parents. We have to take it day by day, not everyday is the same. I want to be part of every breath she takes. She is needing more and more of my time as she grows and I am happy to give it to her, all of it.

Sat night at about 6pm, Nova and I went with the neighbor, Nicole and her 2 little girls, Mikayla and Taylor to the new Elk River YMCA. They have an awesome pool for the kids! The middle pool is for the children and it has a large pinwheel of water that cascades down to the children. There are sporadic bouts of water that bubble for the smaller kids to play in and the pool is surrounded by a bench that us dotting parents can sit on and catch them if they fall. The deepest part is about 3 feet and the ramp entrance gently guides you into the water.
Nova and I sat in about 5 inches of water, need the top of the pool. She was entranced! After about 1/2 hour of watching everyone, she let loose, splashing her arms and legs. I moved us to the deeper water, where I could sit on a bench and Nova had hit the big time. The paci fell from her mouth as she got the biggest grin on her face. Her legs couldn't touch bottom, but she was free.
After the pool, we all headed to DQ for a treat. I probably should have just gotten her her own ice cream. That little girl barely makes a peep, but when I couldn't shovel the ice cream in fast enough, she started to kick her little legs and fuss and grunt! It was hilarious! I have never seen her do anything like it. Apparently, she likes ice cream too!
The weekend was a hit and I can't wait to take her back to the pool. Next week she will be in California, swimming with the dolphins.

Blessed Moments

I apologize for the delay, it has been a couple days of pure craziness and unfortunately, I don't have a computer at home. With that said, I try to write on my breaks at work and sometimes, I just run out of time.

Let's begin with the trip to Fargo. It was a wonderful car ride with my hubby driving, Nonnie and my dad. Nova loved all of the attention that Nonnie gives her, she truly is a ham. We played, told stories and I barely noticed the 3 1/2 hour car ride at all. While the baby took a long deserved nap, it was off to my cousin's son's bday party. Dylan turned 1. His older brother Luke was more excited to open all those gifts than Dylan was. It was fun to watch them tear thru the paper excitedly to look at all the gifts. Luke would jump in the air in excitement with whatever his little brother got. It was wonderful to see my aunt Cheryl after probably 20 years. Uncle Dean was there as well, from Buffalo. It was nice to visit with them both, I definitely don't get to see enough of Dean. His job takes him all over the southern United States, so even though we only live about 20 miles away, he is rarely home. It was nice to get a chance to chat.

After the party, my brother Cole, mom CJ and I all went to the airport to pick up my sister Darcy. We pulled up just in time to see her smiling face come out of the terminal. Perfect Timing! We spent little time chatting, the baby was not with us, so we had to hurry back to get her. Darcy wasn't going to STAND being in the same place w/o that baby!

When we got back to Grandma's, everyone was starting to show up. My in-laws and sister-in-law had driven all the way from the cites to see the Blessed Event. It was wonderful to have everyone around and enjoying each other. We had dinner at Grandmas and then we had to get ready for my cousin's band, Cousin B. They were playing at Dempsey's, a downtown joint. It was so exciting! I had not been to Fargo since they had started to revive it. It seems that downtown has come alive and it was wonderful to see the nightlife. Cousin B is a band that is made up of all these guys that I went to high school with. In fact, when I walked in, it was like a high school reunion. It was awesome to see everyone! The band rocked and the company rocked too! We had planned on leaving around 11:30, but it never works out that way. We were having so much fun, we did not leave until 1:00am. WOW! It took me a couple hours to settle down after the band, but I am pretty sure I got about 4 hours of sleep. I was running on pure excitement, excitement for my little girl.
I spent the morning getting myself ready along with Nova. She was the easy one, of course. I definitely think she knew something was going on and it was all about her. That morning, my sister, Nova's godmother, presented me with a token. It was a beautiful bracelet for my little one to wear. It had her name in silver blocks, surrounded by purple amethyst, her birthday gem. It was adorned with pearls and diamond accents. Nestled in between the gems, was an angel, a constant reminder that my sister would be watching over her. Once the bracelet was on her tiny wrist, she never pulled on it, and never sucked on it. It was like she knew it was jewelry and it was meant to be admired, just like her. I dressed her in her long, beautiful white, gown and bonnet and off to the church we went.
When we arrived, Novas' Great Grandma Lucille, Grandma Penny and Grandpa Fred, Nanna Kay, Nonnie and Grandpa Gary, Great Aunt Gloria and Janice, Great Uncle Dean, cousin Wade, Josh, Aunt April and Vera, with the kids were all there to welcome us into the church. Shortly after our arrival, it was time to head towards the front of the church. It was wonderful to see the support and love in their eyes as we stood in front of the congregation. Nova never made a peep. She allowed the minister to bless her with the sign of the cross and gently drip water over her head. All the while enthralled with what the minister was saying. It was a Blessed Moment.

Thank you all for your love and support, it means the world to us.

Holy Moley

Call me a basket case. One would think that I am 32 years old and would know that before I go out of town, I need to take the day off. I have been this way all my life and should have seen this coming, but no, once again it has hit me like a brick.

Starting last night on our way home from dinner, the baby was crying, so my husband pulled over on the side of the road to get the diaper bag out of the trunk. I have no idea why I put the thing in the trunk, but I did. Fate perhaps.... As he was pulling over, we heard a big bang. There is was, our tire blew! My husband and my dad, jacked the car up, put the donut on and in 15 min flat, off we went. With the tire forgotten, we had a great night and of course I blew past my normal bedtime of 9pm and finally fell asleep at 1am. Thank goodness my dad was willing to take on the tire task the next day. Turns out, we have one of the most expensive tires. Would it be any other way? This isn't good since we have no money in the checkbook. There is no good way to handle accidents, they all suck!

I think I am so excited for this baptism, that I have totally wound myself up. RELAX! I say to myself! Enjoy your family! Geez- where is my calm alter ego? She comes and goes.

In any event, we have decided not to leave for home tonight and will be leaving early tomorrow morning. Grandpa and Nonnie are taking us out for a fantastic, hopefully relaxing dinner and then home for early bed. I can't wait to see my little Peanut, who no doubt has been the center of Nonnie and Grandpa's world today.

After all is said and done, I am extremely tired and had a slight meltdown in the middle of the day. I am very luck to have a wonderful husband that does not judge me and loves me for every mountain I make out of a mole hill.

Conversation Hearts

This Wednesday was a weird one. For starters, I usually have Mondays off, but for whatever reason, I had to work this Monday and got Wednesday off instead. I had a 8:30 Dr. appointment, so I took the little one to daycare. She seems to really like it there, which is good. I know the day will come when she will be crying for me not to go and then what am I supposed to do? Talk about a heartwrencher! Thank goodness, I can cross that bridge when it comes.. Anyway, off to the Dr, nothing important, got gas for the big trip this weekend and off to the nail salon. Well, it is more like a nail booth. They try to convey a "spa like feel," but for $20, you definitely get what you pay for. The massage chairs suck and I question how clean the tools really are. Hey, we're on a budget!

Next, to Wal-Mart to pick up her 6 month pictures. OMG! I don't think she could be any cuter! She takes fabulous pictures and is smiling in everyone! Can't wait to show them off.

At 11:30, I went back to daycare to pick up my Peanut. I was a little peeved with what daycare said....We were talking about the new little boy that had taken little Addison's place. He is only 3 months old, but just as tall as Nova. Daycare was saying the she looks at him and expects him to do the same stuff as Nova, just because they are the same size, only he can't, he's only 3 month old! Then she told me that Nova is lazy and will probably be slower than the other kids because of it.

OKAY- gloves are off.

WTF?

She is only 6 1/2 months old and can already hold a sippy cup, she doesn't know how to tip it back yet, but does that put her in the "lazy, slow" category? The more and more I have thought about it, it pisses me off. Not because I think it is true, I just don't think people should be allowed to "throw" those words around. Just because a baby isn't walking by 8 months, or potty trained by 1 year old, it's ridiculous! Sometimes, I think that peoples' expectations are absurd. It's like my mother always said, " If you can't say something nice, then don't say anything at all."

After, I went home and talked to my husband, who once again brushed off the comment, I settled down. Nova and I continued to play and eventually went over to the neighbors. It was a very hot afternoon and all the kids were in the pool. All the little girls love kissing the baby, she laughs and giggles with them. I love that she is part of the conversation, whatever the topic is may be.

My Girl

Mondays are always difficult, not only because it generally is the first day back to work, but because my hubby travels. Over the years, I have gotten used to the fact that he gone on Mondays. Where I used to hate Mondays, I have grown to love them. They mean peace and quite, a clean house (hopefully) and my own little sanctuary. Of course things have changed over the past couple months and giggles and silly laughter fill my living room, instead of the drone of the TV. Actually, I barely turn the thing on. I find myself making up all sorts of silly nursery rhymes, and songs, softly singing them to my little audience. Let it be said that Nova is probably the only one that loves absolutely everything that comes out of my mouth. She smiles and throws her head back in uncontrollable giggles.

Last night, she was a handful. We went for a walk a about 5pm, where she promptly fell asleep in the stroller. That was a big mistake. At 6pm, we went inside and had a bath and at 7pm, bottle. I just knew bedtime was going to be a fight. She was so wound up and I was the most entertaining thing there was. We ended up walking around the neighborhood until about 8pm. It appeared sleep was not coming quickly to her.

It is so hard to look at this little 15 lb bundle, talking and kicking her arms and legs. I just know if she could talk, she would have tons to say. Bedtime is such a special time, I love feeding her and seeing my reflection in her eyes. At night, when she needs that last little cuddle before she drifts off, her fingers search my face. It takes every bone in my body not to snuggle her closer, but I know that she must fall asleep. My girl.

Treading Forward

Ok- so I am a little nervous, I feel like I am stepping out onto the stage, giving a big performance. My hands are shaky, my tummy has butterflies, what the heck is wrong with me? It's just a blog. really....? is it?

For approx 60 days I have sporadically logged onto my sisters blog and read thru teary eyes, the changes that she has been going thru. I wish I could be there, go out to lunch with her, complain about the crappy service with her or go on a bike ride with her and her new hubby. It pains me to have to read about it. My heart skips a beat as her words jump off the page at me, they are truly her. Funny, how for 30 years now she has existed and I have never really read anything she has written. How wonderful to get an opportunity to do it now.

Over this past year, I have discovered a new person in my sister. Maybe she has always been there, waiting for me to discover her. This year alone, she calls me more and more, she sends me emails AND she even manages to send me an anniversary card BEFORE the date actually arrived. All this makes me feel pretty important, which I love! When we were little, I remember us arguing alot. Since we are only 22 months apart we had alot of the same friends in high school and were in alot of the same sports. I guess I have felt competitive with my sister, something I probably never needed to be. This is new territory for me, I have always been the one to send the cards and calls, it is nice to see some of it coming back. In any event, I am welcoming her with open arms.

So, u ask- what's changed that has brought about all these- "feelings...." geez! Well, I had a baby. For those of you that have children, I applaud you. The work that goes into them is amazing and mine is only 6 months old right now. Sure, everyone tells you they change your life, but I didn't really know what that means until I had one. My daughter has improved my life by the umteen millions. She changes every single day and I am happy to share that with the world!

With that said, I guess that makes me nervous too. When the hell did I get to be such a Nervous Nelly? I never used to be. I think as I have gotten older and know a little bit more, life can be a little scary sometimes. For now, I'm tucking my head down and treading forward.